What's best for us is what's hardest to do.

Things you can't recover in life:
1) The stone after it's thrown.
2) The word after it's said.
3) The moment after it's missed.
4) The time after it's gone.

30 Weeks 3 Days

Physically, I feel like a planet. Other than that, I feel like I'm prone to being more emotional. My feelings are so fragile for some reason. If it hurts my feelings even if it's a really little thing...next thing to you know, I'm tearing to myself. It's out of the ordinary. It's finally December...alot of things to look forward this month. School is ending in two weeks. Winterbreak.. baby shower anniversary...the holiday season and all that good stuff (= it's going to be a busy month also. but hopefully everything will work out as we move along. It's going to be a big headache thinking about gifts. It's hard because everyones been so caught up in their own lives. It's hard to know what everyone wants/needs anymore. In the end, I guess it's the thought that counts? I will definitely be sending out Christmas cards! I'm going to keep it short. Happy holidays.

Rainy days makes me want to:

- Stay home
- Cuddle up with the boyfriend
- Watch a movie under a cozy warm blankie
- Eat Eat Eat and Eat
- Sleep zZZZZzz
- Drink tapioca
- Be lazy...
- Grocery shopping x.x nom nom nom

home on a Saturday night with no work tomorrow. My mood feels so uneasy/mellow/irritated for some reason. maybe i'm tired. maybe it's something else. i don't know. i love the last icon. because i think i am not applying my problems to the later years of my life.

i'm feeling really unappreciated.

"Lately our house is not a home
You come in, take a shower and then say I'm gone.
What am I to do
When my heart says leave
But my feet won't move
And today is our anniversary
And you haven't even said two words to me"

What a horrible night. this suffocated feeling isn't easing at all..it's two a.m.. I finally realized what others have told me was true. I was too excited to start my own family to remember the struggles that came along with it. I no longer have the freedom I used to have. When it comes to my own relationship, i can no longer say/do what I used to do because I can't think for myself anymore. No more 'im gone-' and next thing, 'hey i'm back. wanna talk?' kind of thing. you're going to be with this person, forever. why? because you made the biggest decision of your life at the age of eighteen to bear a child for him. I can't say I'm starting to regret but...on second thought, I'm contemplating whether this is how I want it to be anymore.. sometimes, I just feel like nobody deserves to be treated this way. they say during your pregnancy stage of your life, you glow and you're at the highest peek of your life then why do I feel so much heavy feeling in my chest half the time? ... It's suffocating so badly that literally makes me unable catch my breath and eventually, I burst into tears. I have so much fustration that I don't even remember how to express them. Don't really know how much I can take longer. another sleepless night.

future gpapa... <3 love him so muchie!

say hello to soon to be daddy.

and......our beautiful daughter. with a biggie head! look sideways!! its actually her hand and her fingers pointing upwards.

IT'S A GIRL!

Happpy news! as you can tell from todays blog title :) so today i woke up at 7:15 a.m to get ready for school. I got there around 8:20. and then parked in an angle where the sun was all over the car!! thank god for foil thingy i bought from daiso! anyway, i took a nap...and woke up at like 9:09 a.m when class starts at 9:10. so I walked to class and it took me ten minutes to walk to class. ended up being twenty minutes late when i got there early. anyway afterwards i dropped off the car and got picked up and ate lunchie at tops cafe. afterwards, i was late to my ultrasound appointment!! i missed my prenatal class today. but oh well! ultrasound was more important. it was a very extraordinary experience for me. she's a girl! I'm so excited. saw our baby more clearly this time. our radiologist did a great job helping us take some cute pictures of her because she was trying to hide! we literally saw her cover her face with her hands and move! it was so adorable. anyway, our pictures came out so cute. she's about 13 oz right now. and the size of a water bottle :) I can say I could be able to fully understand the beauty of a mother to-be. It was so dark inside the room! and the gel felt a bit weird and gooey.....not very pleasant. This is like the highlight of my week i must say :) I was so excited afterwards we went to buy her a blankie that says "I heart daddy". it was so adorable! & a baby memory book (a fill-in book to record the baby first years event). they were both pink! i think i would probably have everything set even before the baby shower-__-" hopefully not! I really want to make diaper cakes. they're so pretty! cribs are so expensive...yesterday, we were at ikea looking at cribs. the one i wanted was like 219$ without the mattress.. wahh! ill keep looking around though :) i don't have a scanner..well I do but not near me so hopefully i'll remember to upload the sonogram pictures soon because they're just too adorable<3

"this is for the girls who don't always win, who stay up all night listening to music that inspires them to do things next to the impossible. the girls who laugh, smile, cry and think all on a daily basis. the girl who like, learn, and regret. the girls who may never have it easy. the girls who learn the hard way and live to tell about this. this is for the real girls, who know what it means to let their guard down and really, really live."

It's a battlefield

Second day... Life is so dreadful right now. I don't think it can get any worst. but I know i have to be strong and pick up my feet again. my family came to pick me up from work to support me. i will never forget this night. as we walked up powell, they cried for me and i couldnt held it back any longer so I cried along. My mom held me in her arms in the car and I feel like I was a child still. Then I realize im going to be a mom soon. I may lost the person that i thought was the love of my life but I gained the presence of my family members. I almost blacked out at work today. Thank god Elaine saw and realize and told me to go upstairs and rest even though I took all my breaks already. I dont know what else to say...all I can do every night is sob myself to sleep. I Really hope this feeling would be over through the time. Until then...I would have to continue living so bitter. I guess on the bright side...I sometimes feel the baby's kicks and stretch. It's exciting. but I have no one to share this with. Anyway, I have work tomorrow. Praying this would be over....Imy.

you're dead to me

Hello, my baby. Having you is the second happiest event in my life...second to meeting your daddy.

p.s no. thats a random cute picture I took off the web ^__^V

No regrets.

super hungeeeeeeeee! but lazy to walk to the kitchen..... night school sucks :/. and boring........but i guess the teacher is just eh. but his explanations are quite simple. his accent is so hard to understand especially his monotone. ok i think i will be back becus im hungee. too weak to type..

I think I abuse my blog. Always back here to vent my feelings. I'm so addicted to the song Matt Palmer - That way. Everything he says is so true. I love it so much i'm going to have its lyrics up here. lol.

as everyday passes im losing faith in you (you)
one day we're forever, the next day we're through
you push me away, then beg me to stay
you have got me so confused, coz baby
you used to love somebody like I love you
if I dont think that somebody loves me too
so give me a sign, oh baby this is the way
please tell me the truth


why whenever something is wrong, I always take the blame
why whenever my love is strong, you always run away
you cant handle my love, and your loves never enough
and I cant live that way

why whenever we have a fight, im begging you to stay
why when everything is alright, it only last a day
your never satisfied with nothing that I provide
and I cant live that way

why whenever something is wrong
why whenever my love is strong, you always run away
you cant handle my love, and your loves never enough
and I cant live that way

why whenever we have a fight, im begging you to stayyyy
why when everything is alright, it only last a day
your never satisfied with nothing that I provide
and I cant live that way


why whenever something is wrong
why whenever my love is strong
you cant handle my love, and your loves never enough
and I cant live that way

why whenever we have a fight
why when everything is alright
your never satisfied with nothing that I provide
and I cant live that wayyy.


this song gets me every time. every time. these lyrics just hits me. badly. so i think im going to move on. i just have to stick with my words and promise myself. no more lingering. there are memories where i'll remember forever. but like the song says, i can't live that way, anymore.

Learning how to RElive without you.

OVERCOME.

Todays the day. Im going to keep being strong.

Time to vent on here...roar. I've been like sick for the last three days. Alot of stuff are annoying me right now. EVERYTHING. and i really mean it. idk so fustrating. I just really want this month to go by. sigh. so everything would be come sooner. and my life would be right on track :/....school and work and such. Oh if you owe someone money, please pay them back. If you don't have the money to pay people back, don't borrow from the start. If you're going to lie every time why you don't have the money, then just please be blunt from the start. It's been like 2-3 months almost. And we're arguing because of you which i don't think is worth it. but apparently, a friend is so much more important. Whatever. In the end, it's your money. It's your friend. I have no say. Do whatever you want. Give him the money. Make him your "keeper" friend. Pathetic.

25 Things You Don't Know About Me

so i got this whole 25 things you don't know about me on a magazine...i thought it was pretty interesting..because it allows me to think about myself and what not... (= enjoy!! ^_^ !

25 Things You Don't Know About Me
01. I hate sour stuff.
02. Eats ice cream ONLY when i'm sad
03. I would love to get marry at an airport, any day.
04. I did not know the moonwalk is backward until 3 months ago, literally.
05. I'm not ticklish.
06. Twilight is okay..
07. Email active. OLD SCHOOL :)
08. Cinnamon is nasty.
09. I'm not the type to fine dine.
10. When I was 8, I forgot my own birthday and literally remember around 7 p.m on the day of my birthday.
11. I say every song I like is my favorite song.
12. Prefers to watch stars instead of the sunset/sunrise.
13. I've been a 24 hrs fitness member since 11. Sadly, I rarely go.
14. I don't know the colors order of the rainbow.
15. Music is my therapy. Really. Really.
16. My nose is pretty...skillful.
17. I have a fetish for babies. They can make me smile, instantly even if I'm having a bad day.
18. I try my best to laugh at least 4 times a day.
19. I want kids at the age of 23.
20. I do not put on a lot of make up as others presume.
21. Twenty One is my favorite number.
22. My first ear piercings were pierced with just a pair of needles.
23. Car windows make me feel emo.
24. I have to roll around in bed and alternate sides for at least 4 times to fall asleep.
25. I can't eat if the color green doesn't exist in my food.

pink&vintage<3

i'm having the hardest timee finding thee perfect hairstlyeeeeeee O:( ! idk anymoreee!!

HOMEmade food(=

uhmm..about time i need to bloggg!! eating a pineapple bunn =)) mmmmmmm yum! so i bought a Casio camera for like only $42 dollars. i guess it's alright...it can be quite blurry because there's alot of different BS [bestshot, not b.s] mode so i'm still getting use to it. yesterday, i had my midterm paper due....and what do i knowww!! the teacher wasn't even there! so we had a subbb and we watched this really long movie about some asian immigrant..lol i don't even think it was realll. but i learned something new about this nativist named James Phelan. He was a nativist who wrote his concerns&prejudice against asian immigrants back in the days. ironically, ccsf happens to be on the street that was named after him. ccsf is quite known for the asian populations and ethnic classes being taught there. it kind of tickles my bellie ^_^ ! i drove on freeway 101!! it wasn't even bad as i thought it would be..maybe because i didn't have to cut lanes hahaha ..ahhh im so excited to go vietnam with b. this summer =) its going to be awesome ^.^

I do not appreciate being sick.

ahhhhhhhhhhhh. being sick is so painful. last night was bad =( all bad...anyway. im sitting here blogging while drinking my nasty yucky medicine. i have so much homework. wah wah wah wah )= the weekend was funn though. watched valentine's day..shopping! nd sunday...my family&boyfriend went to san jose tet festival. it was so boring............ and you had to pay $10 dollars to get in!! wtheck?! and i've never thought i would seen a bathroom worst than vietnam's bathroom until that day. x.x ... but i liked the bun bo hue restaurant we ate at. im tired and lazy. byebye.

I appreciate spices that flavors our food.

i finally have the time/remember to blog!! lol...so afterschool me&bf went to the bank..and i found out that stupid Amazon Prime Trial thingy charged me like $79.00 dollars...+ it overdrafted! but thankfully, i called amazon right away for my refund. they said they'll give it to me within 2-3 business days. so let's hope they do! priscilla got me addicted to the song baby by justin bieber! lol..i thought it was a female singer :X but ..he's actually just a teenager boy. haha so yesterday i had my night class at city w/ b<3 it was actually not boring this time because she didn't do so much lecturing..we spent our time watching a documentary film&group work and presentations. I got off early around 8:50 and baby surprised me because he got off earlier :o it was only a very very little surprise but i felt butterflies! lol... okay. and then ...... we had time so we went to eggettes to get a drink and pollyann for ice cream..then he drove me home. my mom invited him over to eat bun nuoc leo at 10 p.m -_- ..he did, of course :D and blah blah blah...! today, at school ms morales told me that mskawasai marked me absent on my attendance strip on finals day for my T.A class. and ... i had to go talk to her -_-" i always seem to come at her at a very bad timing or is she always like that? oh who knows. anyway, i think i should go watch my drama ^_^.

so I came back from disneyland last week with my boyfriend. + sis, sis bf and brother. it was funn!! we went for 3 days and 2 nights..hehe. came back on sunday around 2 a.m...and with school the next day :( anyway..so i've taken my driven lessons with my driving instructor for 3 lessons already. my turns still sucks! or at least i dont think its perfect enoughh! and i finally uploaded pictures from christmas, new years, disneyland..and days spent with my baby<3.

I appreciate my computer<3

this week is final week!! i think i totally bombed my english final =/...it was way hard for me.. tomorrow is going to be T.A&Prob&Stats finals..idk..for T.A i guess im going or else im scared i'll get a bad grade :( anyway, im not even going to bother studying for prob and stats! and no school on friday (= four day weekend!! i think we're going to disneyland. i didnt know it got so expensive :( $149 for 3 day hopper pass.. hmm.ill come back to this blog later :)

I appreciate my nail polish remover.

so as i was reading through Forever21 Magazine that were only given to you if you spent more like than $100 dollars..which i don't get why because i think every customer deserves onee! but anyway, inside i was reading this article where one says a blog should be more of like kind of a layout kind of thing. so i decided kind of be a bit creative...well not really. but instead of just lots of paragraphs about my none sense day by day stuff..a little more spice to my blog won't hurt(=
Mood: blank
Currently Listening to: Came to my rescue - hillsong
Quote[s] of the day: "From an angel's wings, to a falling star, God made everything, but an unbreakable heart."
"The worst thing is holding on to someone who doesn't want to be held on to."
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.
You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.
Let your tears come. Let them water your soul.
-- Eileen Mayhew
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.
-- Anais Nin
Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You're able to benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment.
-- Ralph Marston

-- Jan Glidewell
Worries: my play for mrkim :(
Looking forward to: my birthday.
I want/need... : to memorize my lines for mr.kim's play/finish my final essay..
I'm currently in love with: ???
I dislike the fact that...:
Today, I learned...: a new soup cook by my mommie :)

Watched daybreakers early birddddddddddddd. then mr.pang's salute. . . it was okieee.free hamburgerssss. stonetown...and pho huynh hiepppp. and im lazy to write the rest(=

I appreciate everyday well spent with my boyfriend. <3

happy new yearssss!! 2010 :)) so i just got back from watching fireworks and countdown with my boyfriend&bestfriend& her boyfriend! it was so prettty!! haha today b&i went to vacaville for the first time together<3 .. it was whack =/ .. $8 dollars of bridge fee and we didnt really buy anything there! waste gas + time :( and the baay bridge is so scary to cross through after so many stories i've heard :( glad we came back safe!! gucci outlet sucks! because there was really nothing to see...stuff were all kept under glass so we didn't really felt comfortable to ask and bother the employees..not that there were many. anyway!! im so sleep y:( waitin for b to get home =( ahh goodnights!! ill probably post pictures up laater on this blog (=